Most people know why I don't showcase my modeling work here anymore. It was a personal, political, and professional choice. I have no idea what future employment might hold for me, and while I think that I shoot art, the Internet and various HR departments might tend to think otherwise.

I could use this opportunity to lament about how people can't have nice things (as I state explicitly that I do not shoot porn or erotica), or take it as a compliment. I'm sure if I was as dowdy looking as I felt, my photos wouldn't be reblogged and have a minor following. I suppose I should take it as flattering, instead of slightly invasive and something that squicks me out.

I deal with this conflict because I'm not a removed viewer of the image. I'm the person in it. I wrote in my MM profile that the thing about being an art model is that who you actually are doesn't matter. The people who reblog my work on Tumblr don't know that I snort laugh or love comics or my favorite band is probably Porno Graffitti. They see a body. That's it.

I suppose if I want to keep doing this, I can't afford to dwell on what people may or may not be thinking. For me, it's like hearing that someone was aroused by the David sculpture. Not saying that it can't happen, mind you, but I set out with the intention to create art and I hope that that comes through.

It takes a lot of balls to model nude. If it didn't, more people would do it. People are people, and they're going to disappoint and cheapen and be general morons. I guess I should consider myself lucky that I have been able to work with people (and continually) work with people that share the same artistic vision. They're out there. But it's like anything else; the sampling can be very, very small.

It also forces me to confront a lot of issues I have about myself and how I look, and I think the illness in the pit of my stomach is from being FORCED to recognize something that I have a major problem with - and that's being thought of being as attractive. Trust me. I'm in therapy for this. When Chris asked me why this was such a problem, I told him that the knowledge of my being attractive ran so contradictory to my life experiences that I can literally hear my brain short circuit as it screams "DOES NOT COMPUTE."

I thought I would post an open question - one that I recently posted on MM as well.

1. I'm annoyed that the photographers don't get credit for the images. I'm a body in front of a camera. My role's small. How do you photographers feel when your work turns up on Tumblr?

2. Also to photographers - when you shoot art, and it turns up on some "NAKEED HAWT CHICZ" tumblr feed, how does that make you feel? Do you even notice that sort of thing?